How cool is

Graphic of the Basement Talk beastIn
between harried editorial meetings, hurried early morning news
writing and hackneyed attempts at social media, there is a
long-standing competition among the Leasing Life team to
identify leasing references in popular culture.

We’re that cool.

Our dedicated editor Fred Crawley,
recently slammed his copy of I, Partridge, the
autobiography of Alan Partridge onto his desk and exclaimed: “Look,
look he mentioned hire purchase,” before sinking his head into his
hands as he realised the industry we report on had been reduced to
a passing mention in the fictional biography of a third-rate
misanthropic local radio DJ.

Evidence, surely, that the public
perception of asset finance needs to be raised.

Robocop-evangelist Richard Brown has expunged many a
minute (hour, day) trying to convince his editorial fellows that
the film’s antagonistic industrial conglomerate Omni Consumer
Products would definitely have offered an operational lease model
to finance their fleet of ED209 malfunctioning robots.

“There is no way the local
authority in Detroit could fork out the kind of capital required
for outright purchase of that level of paramilitary civil
enforcement unit,” he regularly froths.

However, one triumphant reporter
trumped such sci-fi speculation this month with the discovery of
the ultra-rare, never-released Northern Soul single from the late
1960s – Johnnie Taylor’s unknown classic Love on a Lease

“Got your love on lease plan /
(Love on a lease plan) / Got your love on lease plan / (Love on a
lease plan)

“I leased you my heart baby /
But you haven’t been payin’ your dues / You’re fallin’ behind in
you lovin’ / And that’s a pretty good way to lose.”

Go on, YouTube it. It’s the official Leasing Life theme
tune from this day forth.


Golden years

February has been a good month for
amusing press releases cluttering up the Leasing Life
editorial inbox. Amusing or tragically indicative of a world
hurtling into a public relations-fuelled dark night of the soul,
depending on which side of the bed you woke up on.

On a particularly bleak day the
release headlined ‘Retirement planning should be taught in
schools’, brought out a rash of haunted misery from the jaded
writers at Leasing Life.

While serious financial education
is necessary and should be included in the curriculum in an of age
austerity, when saving for a decent lunch is a challenge of
sovereign debt proportions, some of the Leasing Life team
took the suggestion like a sharp kick to our empty

For those of us of a certain
generation the idea of a pension is a historic impossibility, like
smallpox or being able to wear a top hat in public. We are resigned
to the few extremes available to us: poverty, wealth or

As one of our number put it: “I
intend to be rich or dead before I need a pension.”


You are what you

We aim not to be constantly
doom-laden but we can only work with the material we get. So when
we received the release headlined WORK WARDROBES IMPACTED BY
ECONOMIC OUTLOOK we took the bold capitals seriously.

Luckily, it was whimsical

According to work wear specialists
Alexandra, figures for corporate clothing show people’s preferred
suit shade has moved away from colour over the years “as the
country has become gripped by the economic uncertainty”.

Apparently, troubled by the dreary
outlook, office workers everywhere have abandoned their previously
preferred buoyant blue suit in favour of the austere charcoal and
macabre black of financial crisis; the workforce are dressing
appropriately for the funeral of their ambition.

Mr Acaster of Alexandra informs us:
“Colours such as charcoal and black are commonly connected to
depression as they are shades that absorb colour and reflect
nothing back, while blue is associated with soothing and calming

Or, Mr Acaster, perhaps grey suits look sharp and everyone feels
cool in a well-cut black suit, humming Little Green Bag by
George Baker as they strut to the office blissfully ignoring
newspaper business pages.