Picture of a rasher of baconA lesson in bacon

I can assert two things which are
absolutely true:

1) breakfast, despite valiant
attempts, is not a metaphor for life;

2) having an online forum leaves
one open to the musings of the verbally wanton.

We at Leasing Life Towers,
being a self-respecting new media powerhouse, have a LinkedIn group
where many passionate asset finance men and women enthuse about the
global leasing market and all its quirks.

From time to time such fervour
tumbles over the edge of sanity into the deep chasm of the
peculiar.

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By GlobalData

One of this month’s more bizarre
posts saw one eager finance aficionado lift the gossamer veil which
separates us all from madness.

This chap told us, and the world at
large, about three experiences in as many months which, for him,
were indelibly linked by under-cooked ba-con.

The first, naturally enough,
involved an edifying morning teaching his son to cook bacon. Thus
far; we understand.

Second, having apparently learned a
valuable lesson about cooking cured pork, our hero, a keen
musician, attempts to compose with the help of digital notation
software.

Alas, the new sound fonts on the
software took too long to load. The software developer, our man
concludes, “did not thoroughly cook their bacon”.

Thirdly, our man explains how his
recently-implemented credit product aimed at customers with poor
credit ratings did not go down well with his sales team or vendor
partners because the operational implications were not fully
realised. A failure on the part of our protagonist, but he is an
astute businessman and sees a lesson in disappointment.

“What it boils down to,” he says,
“is that I thought breakfast was completely made. However, I failed
to thoroughly cook my bacon.”

I told you.

We want cool stuff for free, yell
leasing hacks

Publishing professionals from the
leasing and asset finance industry were this month united in their
plea for more free stuff from financial institutions.

Reporters, sub-editors and editors
alike rallied together in a cry to the asset finance industry and
pointed at the sickening good luck of colleagues in other financial
journalism jobs who get free stuff all the time.

Magnus Footbridge, a reporter from
weekly journal Path of Leased Resistance, said: “When you
write about the accounting, banking or payments industries, people
are practically tripping over themselves to take you to Le Gavroche
like it ain’t no thing.

“The last time I met a contact, I
had to buy him a bog-brown watery coffee!” he added.

The journalists from across the
spectrum of asset finance and leasing titles said in a statement
the bribery act was one of those ignorable laws like corporation
tax and the speed limit.

Antonio Banderas, of monthly title
Lessors with Attitude, believed to be the editor behind
the collective announcement, spoke exclusively to Basement
Talk
and said: “A colleague on a cards magazine recently came
back from lunch with an iPad. An iPad!

“I have needs too. It is time asset
finance types opened their wallets and I was watching It’s Me
or the Dog
on the Victoria Line while playing 3D
Sudoku
or whatever it is people do on these things.”

In response to the statement,
Muriel Swimmingbus, of Merchant Banker International,
simply laughed into her
Hermès scarf as she stumbled out of The Ivy at 5am.

 

Tweets of the
Month

Twitter logoIn which we regurgitate the best offerings of our
social media followers on a platter of whimsy
#paddingthemagazine

@leaseguru

By using the word “between” in negotiation, as in the example “I
can accept between x and y”, you will concede ground without
extracting anything in return

LL: We
can accept and concede that between your left ear and your right
ear is a furious mind geared toward the competitive market. We
promise not to extract anything.

 

@NorthStarFunding

Happy Columbus Day! For those looking to Lease, Remember
Columbus Leased his Boats from the Queen of Spain, We owe America
to Leasing

LL: Good
job the Queen of Spain didn’t foreclose on any stocking loans when
Columbus totally failed to get her ships to India. Modern
experience of missing delivery of goods by half a planet is that it
usually bankrupts a start-up.

 

@BreakwaterGroup

Just received email from client wanting to discuss a smarter way
of working. Welcome to Breakwater. We do things differently,
because we can

LL:
Whoah, slow down, there. Your smarter work system involves emails
and your different ways includes saying you got an email on public
forums? OK, gotcha. Will do this more.

 

@SonicLogic

The unknown requires a unique vision, authority, and
credibility

LL:
Technically, the unknown requires none of those things. That’s what
makes it unknown. You should be fine there.

 

@MancWheels

Out and about in the car or van?
Why not pop your lights on?

LL: For the same reason we don’t turn
the engine off and just push the thing along the road.